#278 "2006 Garfies, Part 2"

Date: 1/23/07

Welcome back to the 2006 Garfield Awards! Today's awards are a little more lighthearted--nothing like the intense showdown that characterized yesterday's issue. Without further adieu, here we are:

Most Tentacles On A Yeti:
Drelnoch - Most of the world has never seen a yeti. But of those who have seen one, all agree that the yeti they've seen has nowhere near as many tentacles as Drelnoch. In his defense, though, he is a mutant.

Best Alternative To A Horse:
Allosaurus Rider - If you were to ask that elf there why he picked a dinosaur instead of a horse, his answer would probably include such phrases as "kick your ass", "totally boss", and "claws as thick as your arm". Let this be a lesson to all of us--if we need a steed and a horse is not available, an Allosaurus works as a pretty badass alternative.
Runners-Up:
Wurmweaver Coil - Wurmweaver Coil deserves an honorable mention here for being pretty sweet. The only problems with magical wurm-steeds is that they're not very fuel efficient, and they take up a lot of garage space. If you can overlook those two things, they also make fine alternatives to horses.

Biggest Waste Of Your Time:
Hatching Plans - It is well established that Hatching Plans not only looks incredibly appealing, but is totally uselss--fool's gold, if you will. The bottom line is this--this card will, at best, net you a single card. And please don't email me with a way you've found to "break" Hatching Plans. It just doesn't break, folks. Nothing to see here, move along.

Largest Open Chest Cavity:
Liege of the Pit - How can you even contest this category? I mean, look at him--you could park a bus in there. He could rent the space out if he spruced it up a little. He's already got a trio of wailing heads in there. A nice futon, a couple of endtables, and you've got yourself a cozy studio apartment.

Best Proof Of Evolution:
Simian Brawler - He's an ape. And he's wearing clothing (err, a bathrobe). An ape. Wearing clothing. He's the missing goddamn link, people! Someone call up the Pope--he's not gonna be happy, but he needs to know.